I am a planning, goal setting kind of a girl. I always have been. As a kid at summer camp, I knew that I would swim 50 miles over the course of 5 weeks. I set it, I did it. I knew how to pace myself through my comprehensive exams in graduate school. I even gave myself the knowledge that I could read the new Harry Potter book that had just come out (it was summer, 2003, so which ever one that was) once I was done. Jess and I planned the having of our first child around graduate school dates and access to health insurance (and, I am fully aware of the privilege of fertility planning, and have many friends who do this kind of planning, only to realize that the universe has other ideas) (I also have to shout out to Jess who put her job on the line to make sure I had health insurance during my pregnancy. Ah, homophobia in the workplace. Good times.). Sometimes, I think about how cancer puts a kink in the way that I plan things (and, oh, it does), but today, I’m feeling more shallow.

Y’all, babies put kinks in everything. I have these ideas about when I should be able to work out, how I should be able to get work done, and really, how much sleep I need to do both. Trudy, well, she’s not on board. I mean, I know that she’ll only be 10 months old tomorrow (!) (this means that today is the 10 month anniversary of my surgery. Holla!), but girl. She’s never been what one would call a “good sleeper.” Or, really even, an “adequate sleeper.” If I want to put a positive spin on it, I would say that she just loves her mamas and wants to be with us All.The.Time. Usually, however, we haven’t gotten enough sleep for me to put a positive spin on it.

I’m super super lucky that Jess took care of her, pretty much on her own, at night during chemo. Sadly (ha) for me, that card has been played, and I now have to help (really, I’m kidding. Smell ya later, chemo.). Trudy’s crib is in our room, so sleep training has been difficult. We finally let go of the idea that we could sneak in (on our bellies upon occasion. Don’t laugh. If you have children, you know you’ve been there) at 10:30 or 11:00 without waking her. Jess now just picks her up, nurses her, and she goes right back to sleep. Over the past week, we’ve been doing a modified sleep training based on some research that Jessica did, and it seems to be working, mostly. Last night, for example, she didn’t wake at all between 11 and 4 in the morning. After some long weeks of waking every hour, this feels like an enormous victory.

Anyway, as usual, I had my alarm set for 5:15 so that I could go to the gym. I heard it (it’s very very soft), but it didn’t seem that anyone else did. I tiptoed out of the room so so so stealthily. Right as I got my running shorts on, I heard her wake. Jess thinks I woke her (I’m sure I did), but dang, Trudes! How am I supposed to get my early morning workout on if you won’t stay asleep?? Clearly, adjustments will have to be made. I’ll figure it out, I’m sure.

They were made yesterday, too–she was up for an hour and a half, finally falling asleep at 4:30. So, I waited until after work hours to get to the Y–I didn’t do as much as I would have. Just 20 minutes of level 6 intervals on the elliptical and a tiny bit of core and upper body stuff. This morning, I made up for it. I ran 3 miles on the treadmill. I started at 6.3 mph, went up to 6.6 at 10 minutes, 6.9 at 17 minutes, and finished the rest at 7.3. I don’t know why I don’t feel like I can just run at a decent pace the whole time, but I feel the need to speed up. Now that I know that I run much faster outside (I can’t figure out why), I always feel like I’m somehow whimping out at 6.3 on the treadmill. Who knows? I then did some hard circuits that focused on the lower body during the strength parts.

I’ve been cooking this week! Last night we had this, and while Arden said that it was “medium,” he ate it. Trudy also loved the beans. A whole lot. And, we both found it tasty. Definitely a keeper. We had it with a regular salad (mine topped with homemade salsa) and homemade bread (Jess and Arden had almost no knead made with AP flour, and I had almost no knead made with white whole wheat. Trudy had a lot of mine, too.).

I’m planning to make soup tonight to complete this day of good eating–spinach smoothie for breakfast, salad with green peas, black beans and homemade salsa for lunch.

How do you deal with kinks in the plan? I know that some kinks are more like quadruple knots than kinks, so I’m talking about kinks. Things that you think you need at a particular time to make your day run. With this workout thing, I am hoping that Trudy’s giggle will make up for the schedule shuffle.

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