you lose focus. Or, I do, at least. This has been kind of a rough week for me (with a happy Wednesday that I need to make the center of my thinking), starting with the exhaustion of Saturday. Sunday was a beautiful day, weather wise, and we took a great family walk, but I didn’t feel well enough to do a gym workout. My workouts since then have been OK, but certainly not great, and I’m still dragging. I keep succumbing to sugar temptation (although, real food sugar, not crap, so I guess that’s a positive), and I’m sure that’s not helping the way my body is feeling.
I realized last night after I got the kids to bed and Jessica was at work (gotta love that we both have pretty flexible work schedules–makes childcare much much cheaper) that these next months are going to be full of bittersweet moments for me. Our friend E and her husband and new baby are coming to visit from Atlanta today. Last time we saw E, she flew up to surprise a very pregnant Jessica the second weekend in May. I was looking at pictures from that weekend, and I kept thinking, “I had cancer then! I didn’t know it! I’m smiling so differently.” It was just past our 10th wedding anniversary. I had gotten word from the dean that he supported my tenure file (I heard later that the provost did, too). All I was worried about was being the kind of support to Jessica during labor and delivery that she’d been to me. (I also love that, in those pictures, E was pregnant after a long road, but didn’t yet know it.) I was in this amazing space.
My awesome sister and my awesome Genanne talked me through my pity party last night (both telling me that I had full rights to have a pity party and not feel guilty about it), and of course, Jessica came home from work and continued what Em and G started, but I know that I’m entering what will be, for me, a hard few months. There will be big celebrations, too (Jess is throwing me a party on the anniversary of my diagnosis to celebrate a year and also so that we can celebrate our friends, Trudy will turn 1!!!, our amazing friends A and J and their kiddo will finally be back in town after too long gone, Arden in the summer and the beach and outside). This life is full. It just veers to the side sometimes.