Jessica is forever telling me that I eat weird food. (well, forever since I changed my diet.) She might be right, but I can tell you that, even after only a week of off and on eating well/without thinking, my body missed the strict weird food diet. To help me refocus, I’m going raw this week.

Last time I went raw, I did it for 2 weeks, and for the first half I was incredibly strict and incredibly grumpy. I think it was because all of the carbs were cut out of my diet sort of instantly. This time, because I’m just trying to rediscipline myself to intentional and thoughtful eating, I’m not being as strict. I can have brown rice daily and I can drink decaf coffee with almond milk (made with only almonds and water). I could likely go without the decaf, but it is a comfort thing for me. I love the ritual of making it, the warmth of it (it snowed on Monday, and has been cold and rainy ever since, so no warm food or drink is not any fun), the taste of it. Plus? no sugar, no dairy, just almonds and decaf from our local roasters.

Sometimes, I think  of how I’ve been keeping track (or not, like last week) of how I’m eating, and I have this guilt thing, this “I must tell” thing when I step out of the boundaries I set for myself. I think it comes from years of being a “good girl.” I mean, in my head, I know that the Raw Food or Eating Intentionally Police Forces are not going to come after me, but in my soul, I feel the need to come clean to something or someone somewhere. So, I suppose this blog is my place to do that. Hello, accountability. You comfort me.

I’m feeling good this week–my workouts have been strong, my wierd food is making my whole self feel back in balance, and I’m taking some big big steps to change a stressful situation at work. As the anniversary of my diagnosis creeps closer and closer, it feels important and proactive to make these big changes in my life. Some days, I want to change really drastically (I told Jess that I’d like to be a nutritionist/trainer, but realistically, that’s just not happening), but for now an intentional way of consuming food, a focused exercise plan (come on warm weather! I’m ready to train outside for that half marathon!), and taking charge of how I work feels huge.

So, when you can’t drop your life and run off with your family to strange and distant lands, how do you implement change that feels empowering? How do you focus yourself?

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2 Responses to refocus

  1. patti says:

    Jill, if you want practice, you can be my nutritionist/trainer. If ya wanna. To answer your questions about how I implement change and refocus: I bike. Long, meandering, no-stress rides. Usually with friends who keep me laughing. Usually in a place I can go to lose myself, forget the day, or the day before, or the day before that. It’s pretty simple for me. (But I’m sure you knew that already.)

    I’ll say it again: thanks for your blog.


  2. Jill says:

    Oh, Pea, thanks for reading it. I wish we shared a bike or running passion. Because I’d be all over that with you. (I do miss our crack of dawn jogs, by the by.)

    Also, I have no idea what I’m talking about wrt training and nutrition. It is all a guess. That, I suppose, is why there’s school for that!

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